What Men Don't Know About Other Men If what I said in my recent dating advice article for straight men is true -
that men don't understand women - men really don't understand other men.
Why? Well, there are any number of reasons. It could be because, as men, we just assume that other men are going
to think through things exactly as we do. Wrong!
We could also be playing to the stereotype that, because we're men, there's no such thing as drama. We squabble,
we cool off. We screw, no strings. We mouth off, apologize later. Eh, might be part of it, but I'm still not sold.
No, I think the reason men don't understand other men is the most complicated simple explanation you could possibly
come up with.
Men don't understand other men because in the same way that we're similar (we're all men, after all), we couldn't be
more different.
Let me explain. In the gay community, you have all different types . you have your guys who are masculine as masculine
can be. They like sports, hate chick flicks, never cry and would rather pretend a problem doesn't exist than actually have
to sit down and talk about it.
You have your fems . always cry at the movies, have no clue whether the Red Sox are football or basketball, think every
problem is worth discussing and always choose cuddling over a good old fashioned roll in the hay.
You have gay men who lie, some who are honest to a fault. Some deal with their problems best by fighting, others don't want
to talk about their problems at all.
We're all different. Now I'm sure most of you are thinking. - 'We knew that. Now what?'
Now comes the fun part: Learning how to better understand each other while coming to terms with the fact that sometimes, you just
wont get along.
I think the key to being successful in a relationship. any relationship really, but particularly a gay relationship. is coming to
terms with the fact that fighting, not understanding one another and generally just wanting to ring your significant other's neck
from time to time is normal. In gay relationships, because we don't always have a lot of incentive from society to work it out and
stay together, too often, we throw in the towel. When the going gets tough and the communication walls go up, we stop trying.
And that's where the importance of understanding other men comes in. You see, you don't have to be able to constantly communicate with
the man you're dating to get him. Communication is good - it's key to a healthy relationship. But we're kidding ourselves as men if we
think it's always going to be there. So, to compensate, we need to learn to read the situation.
Situation 1
You and your man have a fight. You're pissed, he's pissed, but nobody's saying what they really mean. You keep trying to talk to him,
but he's not hearing you. Finally, he tells you to go away. What do you do?
Solution: When guys get heated, most of us resort to yelling. It's impulse. So when one gets to the point of pleading
to be left alone, do it. Masc or fem, gay or straight, when a man says go away, he almost always means it. I know the rationale is to
stay and work it out, but giving each other a bit of breathing room and space to process things will probably work out the best for
both of you in the long run.
Situation 2
The guy you're in a relationship with suggests introducing a third or sleeping with other people. You freak out because you're hurt,
insulted. you aren't sure what to think. How do you handle it?
Solution: I'm not saying everyone needs to be open to having a three-way or an open relationship, but anyone in a
relationship needs to be open to hearing their partner out. Arbitrarily shutting down another person's desires will only make them
want to go out and do it more. Men are sexual creatures. That's just the nuts and bolts of it. Talk about it and see if there is a
compromise to be reached. It might even be something you enjoy. And, if it's something you flatly can't bring yourself to try,
maybe you aren't with the right guy.
Situation 3
Run for the hills. Nah. Stay with me! Saying "you look great" is no good, because they probably wont buy it. It's too
simple. Saying yes: slap! The key is knowing this . the guys who are likely to ask this question know they look good. Fat guys
are never going to ask, 'Do I look fat?' They know they look fat. They aren't blind!
Solution: Instead, go for specifics. "No one wears that shirt like you do." "That is the hottest
outfit you own, and you look awesome in it." Or, if you feel like being late, say "I'd do you in a heartbeat." That
question is just begging for validation. So why not give it?
Situation 4
It's early in the dating game for you and your man, and when you swing by to pick him up, he asks, "What should we do
tonight?". code for, you decide!
Top