Nothing In Life Comes Free

Say What?

Nothing In Life Comes Free and Five Other Sayings You Can Apply to Your Love Life

I remember growing up, my mom had a saying again. When an audition I went on bombed, "if at first you don't succeed ." was ready and waiting. If I did something to piss her off, "Honest to Pete" was her reaction of choice. I never did find out who Pete was, but the success mantra, annoyed as it made me at the time, seems to have stuck.

People toss out sayings all the time when they want to offer up a universal piece of advice you can wrap your brain around without getting into the specifics of what they're trying to say. It's a way of saying, "now listen up" without actually having a conversation about things. There are more little sayings and life lessons passed from generation to generation than I could possibly name in a life time, but a few have endured, and some are as common place as words you hear and use every day.

So it would make sense some of these saying should be most effective when applied to your love life. After all, if you're beating your head against the wall trying to find that special someone, and nothing (an I do mean nothing) you've pulled out of your bag of tricks seems to be working, the last thing you want to hear is an "I told you so," but perhaps some good ole sage advice from mom really is the best remedy.

So before you throw in the towel and kiss the prospect of love goodbye forever; before you delete those web personals and cancel your Free Live Chat plan in search of something more your style, kick your feet up, grab a highlighter and consider the following. Six timeless saying that may make love seem a bit more tangible.

Nothing In Life Comes Free

Usually, we say this with regard to someone winning the lottery or scoring a killer promotion. Whether you pay with your sanity or your freedom, everything comes with a price. The same is true ofdating, so to speak. You make be barking up all the right trees and staring down the line at the cream of the crop, but if you have nothing to give of yourself, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone willing to spend some quality time getting to know you. Putting yourself out there means just that. Putting yourself out there. So many people think that by showing up at a bar, a club, singles night, online they've done their part, but it doesn't stop there. You have to arrive with a smile and something to talk about, a conversation piece. You need to be positive, energetic, have a Web profile that stands out from the crowd. Dig deep into your personality and pull out all the stops. Then, and only then, will people up and pay attention.

Nice Work, If You Can Get It

Anyone who thinks I'm talking about hooking yourself, move on . we aren't that desperate here. No, I'm talking about relationships folks. Yes, relationships. Some of you out there are so ready for that long term partnership that when someone even remotely appealing walks through the door, you hire them on without even looking at a resume. You relationship bounce. It's not dating when you trade 'I love you's' after a week and shop for your first apartment together after a month. It's called impulsive. There's this fear in all of us that unless we find the right one NOW, we'll die alone. Learn to be a bit selective. Nice work, if you can get it? Partially true. But how about living by the rule Nice work, WHEN you get it.'

It's Not What You're Doing, It's What You're Not Doing

Single folk who are not that way by choice tend to blame themselves for not being able to find a significant other. 'It must be something I did or something I said.' Not necessarily. Maybe it's something you've never said or never tried. We get stuck in this rut of always playing the game the same because it's comfortable. But like tires, like lightbulbs, like coats at the end of a particularly rough winter, sometimes you just need to switch things up. If your plan of attack for a successful relationship isn't working, change it up. Try a differentapproach. What's the worst that could happen? You're already there, so the only way to go is up.

Like a Moth to a Flame; Like Bees to Honey

There are so many different variations of this saying, and they all essentially mean the same thing. In order to attract someone into your dating pool, you need to entice them. Give them some incentive. Whether it's a new outfit, a sexy new haircut, perfume, cologne . maybe you just shave and run a toothbrush over your teeth . appearance isn't everything, but it's a damn good place to start. Showing up everywhere you go looking like a tired schlub is not the best way to market yourself. Up the value on your product. Toss in some extras, a bonus feature or two if you will.

Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

For some, the problem isn't finding a person to date, it's finding the same wrong person over and over. Consistently playing he game and failing feels even worse than never getting on the game board at all. So if you've been burned by love a few times and you can't for the life of you see where you're going wrong, perhaps it's time to take yourself out of the game for a couple of seconds and see if, maybe, your problem is in your selection of playmates. You hate smokers. Why are you always dating them? You have low self esteem, and you always wind up with someone who treats you like shit. Finding the pattern isn't rocket science, but sometimes, it takes a time out to see the big picture.

If At First You Don't Succeed . TRY, TRY AGAIN

My mother will gloat for days when she sees this, but it really is the wisest advice of all. If you take yourself out of the game at the first sign of rejection, not only will it be twice as hard to get back in the swing of things, you're sending the message to yourself that you are the one who failed. That si the wrong message. Dating between two people doesn't work out for so many reasons, the least of which, most often, are you. So instead of throwing a pity fest, party of one, why not get back on the horse and view it as a learning experience. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you grow stronger.

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