Funny thing-none of them could give me a straight answer. Oh sure, they all like the idea of dating someone. But whether it was a bad relationship, not enough fish in the sea, lack of interest or any other number of things that led them to be single, that's exactly what they were: Flying solo.

So I wondered-are they single because they want to be or because it's easier than getting out there and putting energy into playing the field?

We talked a bit more, and with rare exception, the answer was universal-the latter.

They say you only find relationships when you aren't looking. I disagree. Do I think you'll find a happy, healthy relationship if you're ignoring all aspects of your life and putting your heart and soul into finding someone? Not really. But do I think there's such a thing as keeping your eyes peeled for someone worthy of a date or two? Hell yeah! That is, after all, how you go from two dates to being in a committed relationship.

But as with anything, getting to that point isn't as easy as saying, 'OK. I'm ready.' If you were really ready, you'd be doing it.

It's not rocket science, but it takes prep work. To prove it, we've done up a little series of articles-six to be exact-designed to get you to the point of confidently dating for the fun of it. Not because you're desperate to be in love and not because you feel like you should have to, because you want to, which is the most important reason of all to be dating.

Which leads us to the first step in our journey, and for some of you this may seem a bit out of order. I mean, after all, what could possibly come before the all important "know what you want" mantra when it comes to dating. Just a thought-how about getting to really know yourself first.

Oh sure, you probably know the basics-what turns you on, what you like on a burger, what movies are bound to make you cry. But relationships require a bit more intimate knowledge of yourself than a few fun facts you can put in a profile.

The first question you absolutely need to answer before putting the time into dating: 'Why am I single at this point in my life?' Is it by choice? Is it because you've lost the will to date? Is it because of a string of bad relationships? Maybe you project a, 'don't talk to me. I'm not interested' vibe. There are a million reasons you might be flying solo. Figure out why you think you're single, then find that one friend every person on earth should have who tells it like it is and ask them. A friend of mine recently asked why she so seldom finds men worth dating. I told her it's because she's too picky. Not picky about things that matters (jobs, goals, availability) but about things that shouldn't be deal breakers (too short, lives on the other side of town). That was a real eye opener for her-she had no clue people saw her that way.

Once you've absorbed that information, you need to ask, 'What can I do make myself more date worthy?' To continue with the analogy of the friend who's too picky, she promised the next time she had the sudden urge to cut a man off at the knees for wearing khaki on a first date, she'd give it a second or third date to try and focus on the rest of his personality and see if that's worth getting to know. Perhaps for you it's consistently going out with people who don't share your value or belief system. Maybe you make that one of the first questions you address on a date so you don't wind up falling first and waking up later. Every problem has a solution-every bad habit can be broken. Once you answer the first question, the second should come naturally.

And that, my friends, is the hard work-mostly because, like a pact to quit smoking or to lose weight, not everyone will get it the first or second time. Like anything, you may fall off the wagon a few times, but continue to pick yourself up. I promise after a while, it will stick.

Moving forward, give yourself what I like to call a dating tune up. Just like a mechanic needs to look under the hood of your car every so often, you need to do a mental tune up between relationships.

One thing people overlook between relationships is our tendency to take the baggage from former relationships on to subsequent relationships. One has nothing to do with the other. Are you ready to check your baggage at the door? If a former fiancée left you at the altar, you can't expect the next girl you date will do the same. If you've been lied to in the past, that doesn't mean every person you come into contact with is a liar. Certainly learn from your relationships (keep your eyes open for warning signs) but don't move forward with suspicion, hate and doubt for every new person you meet. People who expect to fail tend to.

Forget about what they bring to the table for a second-what do you bring to the table? On your own, perhaps you have a successful career, a killer circle of friends, the ability to whip up a gourmet meal for one while simultaneously keeping your body toned on the treadmill. The more complete the picture you paint of your single life when you step out to date, the less you'll expect from another person. When expectations fly out the window, you can kick back and do what you're really supposed to on a date-enjoy.

We talked before about being picky. Everyone's picky when it comes to dating, to some extent. But relationships aren't about you getting what you want. They're about both of you getting some of what you're looking for. Can you learn to compromise? Maybe the tall, dark, handsome stranger of your dreams is a 5'8" Aussie blonde. Doesn't matter that he shares your love of travel, kids and seems to know exactly how to make you smile after a long day. He's not towering over you with a dark brown 5 o'clock shadow. In life, you begin to realize that little things really don't matter-and in no place is that more important to learn than in a relationship.

Once you've asked yourself these questions (and I few more I'm sure you'll come up with along the way), pull out a piece of paper and make a list of the reasons you'd want to date yourself. If you do it honestly, there are things you'll write down I'm sure you've never thought of. Maybe there are a few things you wish you could jot down but don't feel confident enough to do so yet. Life is all about change and improvement, and knowing what you need to improve upon is most of the battle-you can't fix what you can't see.

Once you've gotten to the point of being able to make a list without beating yourself up, you're ready to move on to step two. So take a deep breath, relax, keep your list in front of you and move on to part two of our six part series.

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