Online Dating. With Someone You Already Know
I'll never forget the day a co-worker told me that he'd joined an online dating site and after plugging in all of
his information, one of his ten "perfect matches". was me!
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I mean, nice guy and all, but after spending two years practically
sharing the same cubicle, the idea of a romance had never once entered my mind. Given a different set of circumstances,
perhaps-but I just wasn't willing to go there.
It did, however, get me to thinking. As single people, we all likely know other single people. and those single people
know other single people and so on and so forth. So chances are you're bound to bump into someone you know online-maybe
it's a chat room, maybe it's a Webcam. Maybe you've been having anonymous dirty talk with someone you already know.
Stranger things have happened.
In the case of the coworker, it was quite clear to me there was nothing there. But that was after I entertained the
idea-after all, you can't make snap decisions in the game of love. Should you find yourself in a similar situation-maybe
a fellow parent on the PTA shares your love of estate sales; perhaps it's someone you only know in passing from the
supermarket-follow our tips on how to deal with the maybe lover you already know!
Re-establish that Connection
Sometimes, especially if you've only met in passing a few times, there's some recognition of familiarity, but not a clear
connection or acknowledgement as to why and how you know each other. Jog your memories. If you know how you've and where
you've met in the past, say something-or at the very least, talk through the possibilities of where you might know each
other from. Name names, kid's schools, organizations you might both be involved with. Once you've established some frame
of reference, it's good to take your chat to the next level.
The Why's of Online Profiles
People have so many reasons for posting an online profile-you want to get to the bottom of things, and what better way to
start a dialogue than to come right out and ask. True, you may get a sob story about a spouse who just passed or maybe you'll
find that they're really not serious about doing anything more than just chatting, but at least you'll have a clear idea of
how to proceed.
Mutual Interests Much?
Sometimes, oddly, there's actually and added pressure when you know someone. You'd think you'd be more scared setting up a
date with a complete and total stranger, but in actuality, the reality of it being someone you already know that you're now
meeting under completely difference circumstances can be more nerve-racking. Take a deep breath-it doesn't have to be that
way. There are a few things you can do to make things easier. First off, if you already know each other, where did you meet?
A charity you both volunteer for? Sign up for the same shift and hang first that way. Maybe you have a mutual friend. Plan
to hang out as a group. If you have something distracting you from that all too intimidating first talk, things will
naturally fall into a conversation pattern.
But Keep Things Quiet
I'd limit myself to going out with a friend I know would be respectful and discreet. Depending on how many mutual friends
you have in common, you'd don't want everyone up in your business. Why? Because if by chance things don't work out and you
aren't a match made in heaven, you don't really want everyone putting in their two cents-heck, why would they even bother
to wait that long. The second most people figure out that you're dating someone they know, unsolicited tidbits fly far as
the eye can see. Wait until you've made up your mind how you feel about this person before you start sharing your news
with everyone.
Consider an Alternate Course of Action
We know a lot of people. But how many people do we really know? Instead of jumping right in to drinks or dinner and a movie
under the auspices of it being a date, why not agree to hang out as friends and get to know each other better-ask all the
questions you would of a new acquaintance and add this person to the list of people you really know well. When and if it's
meant to be something more, you'll know. Sparks sort of tend to work that way.
Whatever You Do-Horse Before Cart
Unlike people you don't know and theoretically never have to see again, dating someone you already know can lead to
repercussions if you don't approach it right. So, instead if diving in head first and doing something you might regret,
relish in the fact that this time, it's probably best to take things slow. Get to know each other-really connect-and if
after that you're still really hot to hop in the sack or run off and get married, you can. because at least you've gone
through the motions. When all is said and done, that peace of mind is priceless.
And if there's no spark and you know it.
Honesty is Always Best
If they're pursuing the situation and you know there's just no way in hell a relationship could
develop. don't lie or string them along. Believe me-that will end really and truly poorly. Instead, be polite but firm-say
you really enjoy them as a person but a romance isn't in the cards. And if you really and truly know, beyond a shadow of
a doubt, that comment could only cause trouble, I've found "I just started seeing my ex again" usually does the
trick-or at the very least buys you some time until you can come up with something better.
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