Bored? Date! Why Getting Out There is About More Than the Quest for Love
Single people always seem to summarize it so easily-they don't date because it's too much trouble.
My question is, 'Why?' I've never found dating to be trouble. I love dating people-perhaps a bit too much. I've
actually passed up what could have probably been decent relationships because I didn't want to leave the dating world behind.
But then again, I don't think of dating in the traditional sense.
Most people date with a goal-to snag a significant other. But the fact is, if everyone's holding out for that one true love,
what happens to the multiple interesting people out there you're bound to meet along the way. Why deny yourself of the
opportunity to meet one of them because you're too busy holding out for "the one"?
We all know that person who has a million reasons why they don't date. Have you ever noticed that person is usually someone
who either a) fills their time keeping so busy they don't have time to think of dating or b) is so removed from the world,
if they decided to date, they wouldn't know where to begin.
To those people, I offer this: Try approaching dating with a different attitude-be in it for you. Now I'm not saying be
selfish and put yourself out there to collect the free dinners. I'm just saying-think of this as an opportunity to expand
your interests and your friend base. and anything else that comes along in the process is just gravy.
Do it for the Hobbies
Living in Los Angeles, I know better than anyone how hard it is to find people to join you in any number of hobbies.
Maybe you're dying for a running partner, someone to go wine tasting with. Maybe it's rock climbing, art house cinema,
jazz concerts. Conversation over dinner or coffee will reveal whether you've found a new friend to hang with in your down time.
Meet New People
Ever ventured out on the town with a friend and wondered how on earth they know so many people? Chances are, and I'm just
going out on a limb here, this is a person who's done a lot of dating-and remained friends with the people they've met in
the process. Dating expands your friend base, and there are far worse lots in life than being the person everyone knows.
Get Out in the Open
People who claim they're not looking to date tend to be the sort of people who close themselves off from getting out much
at all. It's very easy to close yourself off to dating when you've closed yourself off to everything else in the process.
Dating is a prime way to get out and see the world, be it museums, parks, films, concerts. and if you might just stumble
on a new friend or lover in the process, all the better.
Keep Your Mind Fresh
Nothing keeps a mind fresh like having a new sparring partner to trade barbs with. Whether it's covering headline news,
the last film you each saw or merely discussing ideas and concepts, when you suddenly find someone new and different to
chat with, it opens your mind to totally new thoughts and ideas. If you get someone you instantly click with, anything's
possible. And if your date turns out to be your total opposite, well. you know what they say about those.
Business Connections
Believe it or not, dating can also be stellar for your career. The more people you know in your given industry, the more
likely you are to have a handful of people on file if ever there comes a time you need a good, solid business contact.
They say not to mix business with pleasure-but if you develop some solid leads to help you in your professional life, that
dirty martini you vowed not to do business over will seem much more worth it.
Try New Things
Since you're new to the dating scene, it stands to reason there's a lot more in this world you're new too. So why not go
all in and use this as an opportunity to try some of them out. New foods, new experiences. If you're trying something new
out with a stranger, you don't have to worry about them laughing at you if things go totally haywire. And if things go
well, you've just bonded over a completely authentic and unique experience.
Get Out of Your Head
Consider all that time you spend listing the reasons you don't date and imagining what life might be like if you did. Can
you imagine how much free time you'd have if you got out of your head and actually went on those dates you're dreading. Why
fill you head with "could have been's" when you can replace those thoughts with what actually happened.
Compare Notes
And while you're on that date you've been dreading, try a tactic that might make the next few dates you're bound to go on
more comfortable. Though it's not generally the best idea to compare war wounds on a first date, sharing here and there will
help you to see that you aren't alone. Everyone has been disillusioned with the dating scene a time or two-perhaps hearing
other people's stories will help you to see that going into a date, the person on the other side of that table is likely just
as nervous as you.
Because Love is a Process
The most important lesson you can learn here is this-there may be one true love of your life, but that doesn't mean you can't
have several meaningful relationships. Love is a process-in order to be ready when that one true love comes along, I strongly
believe you have to live your life. A six month relationship might not last a lifetime, but it's important in that you'll
learn and grow from it. Putting yourself out there to date simply enriches your life-a full life stands a much better chance
at finding love.
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